To Soothe the Soul

When I was a child, I watched The Princess Bride over and over again. Well over 100 times, and enough times to know every word by heart (or at least, every word I could make out.) I was a grieving child. I had experienced a cluster of profound losses in a short period of time, and by the time I saw the Princess Bride, I think I understood the agonizing wail described as “my heart made that sound” as Inigo Montoya said, when his father was murdered.

My own wail rings in my ears from when I found out my baby died. That is the sound my heart makes. When I was a child, no adult could soothe my soul, but this movie knew how it felt better than I did.

Some days are easier than others, and I think since I’ve gotten so much better than I was months ago, the days when I’m not quite doing well, it stings. Unlike some women in my position that I’ve come across, I’ve found very little comfort in religion, despite my own renewed interest in the topic. I’m less concerned with the metaphysical and more concerned with what is right in front of me, and the road ahead.

One step at a time, one day at a time. It’s the best you can do in this scary, messed up world that is also abundant in joy. If only I could see it sometimes.